


Dear Lord, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?

by Walking_disASSter



Series: Hamilton Ships, Angsty and Sweet! [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Alternate Universe - College/University, Gay, Inaccuracies, Lee is like stalkerish, Lots of Angst, M/M, Mostly Internal, Multi, OBEY, Past Abuse, Roman Catholic Church, Seabury is oblivious, Seabury is scared, Seabury needs to be protected, Seabury was raised awful, Self Harm, Some Fluff, a little outside, amd hurting, and anxious., and homophobia, and religion, and scared., enjoy i gues, he grew up abused, he's too precious in this, hes always nervous, his opinions at the beginning suck, i have nothing against religion, i know little about Church, i wrote tgus depressed and high as fuck, idk - Freeform, idk please read, im an atheist, like a lot, lol, lots of repression, mostly to get hit, religious inaccuracy, so enjoy, they practically trained him like a dog, this is a side story of the first one, this is awful, this sucks, ya know?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-23 04:55:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30050232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Walking_disASSter/pseuds/Walking_disASSter
Summary: SooooooSeabury gives me repressed Christian, internalized homophobia, theatre kid, choir boy, super dramatic bitch vibes. So that's what's you're getting. Also angst. And self harm. And like. The constant expectation to be hit.Lee is a bit of a stalker, and protective. He likes Seabury but Seabury is oblivious. Just thinks he's making a friend!!!ALSO GUYS! WARNING YOU HERE! THE FIRST STORY OF THIS SERIES IS NOT RELEVANT. BUT YOU HAVE TO READ, WITH NO EXCEPTIONS, THE 7TH CHAPTER TO UNDERSTAND THE BEGINNING OF THIS STORY. SO GO READ IT. OKAY? OKAY!Enjoy!THIS ISN'T RELATED TO THE FIRST STORY IN THE SERIESHOWEVER!I ASK YOU READ CHAPTERS 6-7 OF "Unconstitutional" TO UNDERSTAND THE PLOT OF THIS ONE! THANK YOU! ALTHOUGH IT'S NOT EXACTLY NEEDED I DO RECOMMEND IT!
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson, Charles Lee/Samuel Seabury, John Laurens/Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan
Series: Hamilton Ships, Angsty and Sweet! [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2210619
Comments: 107
Kudos: 6





	1. Sinners Burn

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Unikitty_in_action](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unikitty_in_action/gifts).



Seabury sighed as he entered his room, looking around with a thankful smile to see that his roommate was gone like usual. Hercules was rarely there, usually spending time in his boyfriend's apartment. And not boyfriend, boyfriends like plural. The very idea made Seabury shake in disgust. Not one but rather two? How awful. 

He locked the door, noticing the man's favorite pillow was gone and so he wouldn't be back. 

Seabury set his bag down carefully, and knelt to undo his shoelaces. Like he'd been trained to do a thousand times before he did everything with careful efficiency. One hair out place would have a heavy hand slapping the backside of his head. His mother's cheery voice reminding from behind her book "Careful of the skin dear, he has to look presentable"

He shook his head to banish the thoughts. Sliding his shoes into their spot in the row of sneakers and boots that sat lined under his bed. Behind them was hidden a small black box which he pulled out and rested ever so gently on the comforter. As if afraid to disturb it's contents. 

He stood, slipping on his slippers and dusting off his knees. They still ached a little from his kneeling in the church. 

Humming softly he set to work, stripping his jacket first and then his waist coat. People said he dressed too formally for college but Samuel grew up going to school in business casual to formal attire depending on how well his mother decided he should look that day. 

He was careful of the rosary, slipping off his tie and then rolling up his sleeves. Coat hung back on its hook, tie back in the shelf, waist coat followed and left in the laundry. He reached for a hair tie, well a ribbon actually. They sat in a little jewelry box on his bedside table, carefully rolled to make space. He picked up a blue one, unraveled it, feeling the gentle silk between his fingers before pulling his hair back and tying a bow.

Once assured his hair was neat with a quick check at his bedside mirror he set to work cleaning. Mulligan didn't mind that he did it, it kept the dorm tidy. So Samuel stripped the rarely used bed, despite not being used he still cleaned them every few days. His own sheets were pristine, he wouldn't dare wash their things together. Who knows what Hercules did when Seabury wasn't in the room! 

Well no, he knew perfectly well. Having walked in on the large man touching himself more than once. The idiot never learned to lock the doors. Seabury only locked the door when he brought out the black box. No one would bother visiting after all. But it certainly wasn't to pleasure himself. He'd sinned enough thank you very much. 

Bundling up the blankets and sheets he opened the closet again. They both split a dresser, and were meant to split the closet too. But Hercules kept his things in John's closest so Seabury was able to use it. It held all of his coats and ironed shirts along with his cleaning supplies. 

Taking out the things he needed Seabury got to work. First he vacuumed, followed by dusting, followed by spraying some air freshener and then lighting a few candles to help the dorm smell better. 

He looked from between his box, still resting patiently on his bed. The surface devoid of the slightest wrinkle, and the bed. Shaking his head he began to make it. The mattress was given clean sheets from Mulligan's bed linens, followed by a new blanket and fresh cases for the pillows. He gave them a fluffing before being sure the corners were tucked and the lines straight. 

Looking to the laundry he sighed. He didn't have time to go down now if he wanted to do what he had planned. He didn't trust the dorms even though they said there were cameras, he never left laundry unattended. Leaving the basket for now, bed clothes and a few actual clothes Mulligan had left in it, he moved to his own bed instead. 

He chuckled a little, remembering the first time he'd cleaned the room and done the laundry. Mulligan had been a little creeped to come back to fresh sheets and neatly folded clothes on his bed. Seabury had explained without lifting his gaze from his book that it was simply because he didn't wish to snoop in the man's drawers but his sheets were in desperate need of a wash and he may as well do the rest while at it. Mulligan had eventually chilled when he noted the rest of the room was spotless, Seabury must be a clean freak, he had decided, before putting his things away. Pretending he didn't notice Seabury watching where each item went so he could do it proper the next time. 

He picked up the box and moved it further down, before turning and sitting on the edge of the bed. Toeing off his slippers he used his feet to blindly slip them into their usual place. He was quiet even though he was alone, too used to thin walls at home and angry noise at being a disturbance. 

He raised his legs with careful elegance and tucked his feet under himself before taking the box closer. 

He thumbed the latch before popping it open. It wasn't very large, only two feet wide and a half deep. 

Inside sat a Bible ribbon, he'd accidentally torn it out when he was younger and being too harsh. He'd never been punished as bad as that day. For disrespecting his Lords work. 

He hummed, running his fingers along the soft satin. It was pinned to the lid of the box, the inside soft and gentle so he could. He looked next to the ribbon, carefully taking the tack off the photo and pulling it closed. It was before he'd gotten sick. Before he was infected by the disease that he now blamed Thomas for giving him now that he knew the man's truth. 

A young four year old boy, holding his head high and showing off his gold Star and blue ribbon. His mother had her arms around him and his father a hand on his shoulder. Both smiling proud for the camera. Both happy like they always had to be in the public eye. He traced the shape of their smiles, letting his eyes close as he remembered. 

That day was so nice. He'd won a contest at school, his Christian School actually. The teachers still used rulers to smack their knuckles I'm reprimand and they spent am hour every day in the church on campus. He smiled a little thinking of his school days. They could sign up for science and religious science classes depending on parents preference. His parents signed him for both. Wanting him to succeed and go to a very good school and have a good career, but also grow up with that they did and what they believed in. They still didn't have much faith in modern medicine, just doing it so he could survive in the political climate and such. Seabury believed in it though. It took until he was twelve and sent to camp to he vaccinated as it was mandatory. Thankfully they'd finally caved and let him. The church they went to didn't even speak out against modern science and medicine, it was just how his parents were. 

He put it back in its place and looked at the bottom of the boss. Smiling solemn. It had to happen. 

He took off his rosary with shaking fingers. Setting it gently on the hook by his bed before turning his attention back. He reached inside, shifting about for a moment unsure which he should take first. 

There were a few items within the box, put into sections and resting on little pillows. It had original been meant for jewelry. One was a clicker, to count his Hail Marys. One was his lighter, waiting patient and innocent in his little section, resting on a satin pillow. The final piece was a small blade. It was no longer than his pointer and the sharp part even short, but it was tucked safely into itself and resting quiet and innocent. 

Seabury had yet too, it just sat in wait. Instead he picked up the lighter, clicked the box shut and stood up. He undid his buttons and belt. Dropping his pants and setting his shirt over the bed post. 

Clicking the side until the flame popped out he sighed with the realization he'd need a new one soon. 

Looking down he hummed, reminding himself to add more cream to the few bandages he wore. The damage wasn't overly bad and so they didn't last too long. It was just a reminder of what he deserved. Sinners burned in hell after all, he was just preparing himself. 

He traced a hand down his body. Starting at the dip of his collar bone where he hasn't dared just yet, too easy to unveil. Tracing down to under his pecs where they started. He'd stopped changing In locked rooms Junior year, when this started. 

They were faded and light or dark and fresh, or blistered and covered in the recommended type of bandage. He was careful with this after all. Sighing his traced the curve of his stomach, sunk in much like his cheeks, it was no wonder Lee insisted on feeding him. Even if with his layers one couldn't tell, his body fingers and wrist, his gaunt cheeks told enough. He counted the ribs quietly, they weren't overly visible but they could be felt with the slightest of pressure. 

He traced down his side and ghosted the jutting hips before moving back up. The marks ran all the way to his knees. He never wore pants short enough to go back his knees and he never wore low collars or let his sleeves up past his elbow. 

Finally he decided on a spot, thumb running over the old mark. He often went over them when they got too light. 

The metal was hot no and he let it go, flame dying. And before it could cool he presses it against his pale flesh. 

Hissing in pain he just closed his eyes and counted quietly, if the metal cooled too much before he was done them he just repeated the process in the same spot. 

Once finished Seabury cleaned his tool, placed it carefully In his box and set it away in the darkness under his bed. A hidden secret just like the ones in his head. 

After cleaning up and applying a bandage he picked up the basket and made his way downstairs. back in his shoes and a thinner coat, he must always look appropriate. 

After he loaded the dryer, after cleaning out the lint trap of course, he sat down to watch and wait. Seabury enjoyed this time as well, it meant he could get lost in his thoughts. He had most of the buildings schedule and daily doings memorized so he came at times of low occupancy or complete vacancy. 

So Seabury sat. Back straight, rosary around his neck, and hands delicately folded in his lap. He kept his legs closed, he'd been spanked with a switch the last time he man spread, ankles tucked carefully in a way to avoid creasing his shoes. so he say, eyes ahead and allowed his head to empty. Floating quietly in a way that he'd learned to occupy himself with. Good boys say quietly until they were needed, his parents warning rang through his head. 

Seabury popped back into reality when the door opened. Noting that it was nothing more than Lafayette who smiled in greeting. He didn't like Seaburys beliefs but he understood it was how the man knew life to be. He could understand harsh parents forcing treat lifestyle on you. Seabury didn't return the smile, just looked back ahead. 

Lafayette frowned a little, taking notice of his vacant eyes. He cleared his throat, explaining softly "Dryers are all in use at the moment. Hercules said I could use this buildings" As if he needed to explain. In truth he just wanted Seabury to not seem so. Out of it. 

Seabury turned a little at the mention, taking in the laundry basket finally. Lafayette nodded to the one at his feet "Is that Hercs? He said you had a weird thing about cleaning and would do laundry if he forgot it? "

Seabury stiffened a little at it being called weird but Lafayette just smiled sweet and placating "It's very nice actually. Hercules forgets sometimes to pick up after himself despite always picking up after us" Seabury hummed a little and nodded. standing when he saw the softener that Lafayette had pulled out. "Here, this is better. It will make your sheets softer" He mumbled, holding out the bottle in offering. 

Lafayette took it with a thanks in French, starting his laundry he hummed "I will be back soon. If I am late and you are still here would you mind switching them?" He asked it kindly and so Seabury just nodded. A good Christian helped people when they asked. "Oh thank you Mon Ami! " Lafayette reached out, planning to give Seabury the usual kisses on the cheek but the man stepped back, eyes wide and fearful and Laf lowered his hands with a nod of understanding

He waved goodbye and skipped from the room. Getting distracted near immediately with his friends

When he came back Seabury was still there. Two baskets of neatly folded laundry beside him. He stood when Lafayette entered, passing the blue basket into the Frenchmans hands "I wasn't sure how you liked them so I went with the standard" He explained before breeding past with his own laundry. Lafayette blinked, a little shocked, and looked some at his clothes. Standard his ass. It was like Seabury was in the army, everything carefully folded and tucked just right into perfect squares. A note sat on top, an offering to drop things by the dorm if he would like them ironed. He hummed and left the building, planning to ask Hercules if Seabury had any other odd quirks. Perhaps. Concerning ones... 

In the dorm. Seabury put things away, quiet as ever, he didn't even hum. Just put everything where it belonged with a near robotic way to his stiff movements. Eyes on the clock every now and then. He set the basket aside. smoothed the sheets once more and walked to his bed. 

He pulled back the covers and slipped underneath. Changed into pajamas, full length pants and a matching top. Even dressed so formal for bed, even though he knew a lot of them in the boys side of the dorm would even walk about in their boxers when off to the bathroom or laundry room. It wouldn't due to be caught informal by those other than ones hus- wife. By ones wife. 

He turned off the lights but for his lamp and settled with his back to the wall. His bed was simple. With only one pillow and one thin blanket he didn't need much else. He pulled a small book from his bedside drawer. The outside cover revealing nothing. He pulled a pen from the drawer as well and opened the book to a new page. He put down the date and time before he began to write. He wrote his thoughts, the following punishments, and then a list of things he'd done. He wrote down his calorie intake, his activities, and his charity to the soldier outside the church. Nodding, satisfied, he replaced the items. Turned off his lamp and slid under his blankets. Smoothinf them down around him he lifted the comforter to his chest and closed his eyes. Reminding himself he is here at University, not, at home. His parents would not walk in on him and hit him if his bed was not in order. It was, nonetheless, but it helped him to close his eyes and sleep a little easier. Tomorrow was a new day. A new, hopefully peaceful day.


	2. Bible Ribbons Tugging At Heart Strings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee is determined, also a little manipulative but for GOOD  
> Seabury is sad lol  
> Enjoy

Morning came too soon and Seabury did as he always did. He got up, slipped on his shoes and headed for the showers. He was early, no one else awake. The sun not even close to rising. Just like at home he woke before dawn to prepare for his day. 

He took a stall, locking the door before stripping. He washed thoroughly, carefully. And after reapply his bandages and drying his hair he dressed back into his pajamas and made his way to the room. He smiled, grateful again that Hercules wasn't there as he got dressed. He wouldn't be able to change in the room if he were. 

Seabury dressed in a crisp white button up with a dark grey waist coat and a black tie. His trousers matches his waistcoat and he took a moment deciding which dress shoes to wear. 

Once done dressing he stopped at his mirror, picking up a brush he tugged it through the ginger curls, biting his lip to avoid noise at a particularly painful knot. Setting the brush down he picked out a dark red ribbon and tied his hair back before shrugging on his Auburn pea coat for color. The reddish tone matching his ribbon. 

He took a moment to look at himself, smoothing out his shirt and pants and straightening his tie. Before grabbing his satchel and heading for the door. 

Samuel left his dorm and headed for the communal dining hall, or cafeteria as many called it. Seabury was early as usual but swiped his card and entered just as staff were finishing prep. He waved quietly at one of the cooks, who smiled exhausted and entered the kitchen to tell them Seabury had arrived. He had a special diet plan and he'd explained it to them the first day. 

She came back out carrying a smoothie "Strawberry and Kiwi today, non fat yogurt and no sugar. Just like ya asked for sugar" He smiled pleased, taking out his thermos and pouring it in. He kept his gaze low, she was above him so he couldn't meet her eyes "That you, ma'am" She huffed "Told ya to call me Veronica" She playfully scolded, tone light. Seabury just smiled softly and took the tray. 

Sitting in his usual spot he picked up the spoon and took a bite of his oatmeal. A small pinch of brown sugar was mixed in and he let his eyes closed to savor the delicious flavor. It was a very small bowl and he could feel Veronica's gaze on his back. They'd tried before to give him the usual portion but he'd cried over the fact he couldn't, well wouldn't, be able to finish it and that he didn't wish to waste their food. So the ever so sweet kitchen staff had started to give only one scoop of the oatmeal in one of the smaller bowls for him and he could enjoy his breakfast. 

He put the trash where it went, his tray and bowl being left in their designated spots for dirty dishes as well before he picked up his thromas, nodded politely toward Veronica and left the hall just as other students came in. 

Lee didn't bother with the cafeteria. He always stopped down at the cafe on campus. They were allowed there because they paid the school for a spot. He took a biscuit and coffee to go before making his way for the school. He had most of Seaburys day-to-day down but it still was hard to wake up early enough to catch him. 

He speed walked into the school, it was Tuesday so he had no morning class but he could still crash Seaburys religious studys! Honestly what more could he have to study??? 

But Lee just shrugged and entered the hall, spotting Seabury sat quiet in wait for his teacher and classmates. He looked up at the sound of the door, smiling politely and lowering his head once more. 

Lee walked over, sittin on the edge of the table he heard Seabury breath in sharply and realized that he was probably going to get scolded for disrespecting but he didn't. He sighed, Seabury was far too underspoken

He turned to face his friend, grinning a little, still far too sleepy. "Good morning Samuel" Seabury started a little, still shocked that Lee used his first name but smiled shyly and peaked up at him. He averted his eyes Lee tried to meet them, missing the disappointment from the other. He focused his eyes instead on Lee's leather skinny jeans and band t-shirt, Seabury had never dresses casual in his life

"Wanna split this?" The question startled him. And he looked up to see Lee was holding a plastic bag. It was steamy on the inside but he could see a biscuit wrapped in it, from the cafe. "It's sausage and cheese" Lee explained already reaching inside to take it out. 

Seabury school his head "no thank you Lee" He refused, sweetly as he could and picked up his thermos for a sip of his smoothie. Lee hummed but broke it off either way. He bit into his half with an exaggerated sound of how good it was, holding the other half practically under Seaburys nose

Seabury couldn't help but inhale the delicious aroma, but quickly leaned back. The sausage would be greasy, he had not a clue if they buttered the biscuits, was that American cheese? 

Lee just smiled, head down as he forced a sad look. Sad that his offering was refused. "Okay, I get it no worries" He promised smiling at Seabury, careful to keep it soft and worried. "Just wanted to split breakfast with my friend, these are actually really good" He shrugged taking another bite of his half. Chewing slow as if he didn't even want it anymore but had to finish it. 

Seabury sighed a little, shifting uncomfortable he'd made his new friend upset. He reached out, eyes down and chin to his chest "O-okay, it would be v3ry rude of me to not" Lee hummed, shaking his head but smirking on the inside "No no, Seabury. I don't want to force you" He told the Englishman, but Seabury just curled into himself st the use of his last name. Tears pricking at the back of his eyes. No! Lee had just been calling him Samuel what changed?! 

"Please Lee? I actually am hungry and if you're sure you want to share... I just hadn't wanted to take your breakfast" He explained smoothly, smiling when Lee handed him the half immediately "Aww Samuel you're honestly so sweet!"

Lee say there and watched Samuel eat even as people began to enter. The man nibbled on it, brow pinched like he was hurting. He might be, seeing how little he ate he was probably too full. But he finished it dutifully and thanked Lee with a sweet smile and a question if he'd like to share dinner later today as well. "If you don't have plans?" Lee just smiled and patted the man's head, wow his curls are soft! "Sure, see ya tonight! 

Lee stood and strode out just as the professor was entering. He couldn't help but whistle a tune as he walked back to his dorm, Seabury was so timid, so eager to please. Maybe it won't take too long to get him to like him after all. One thing was for sure Lee was going to definitely be feeding him more. Kids a damn twig he could wrap his whole hand around a wrist. 

Samuel sat in his class, shifting from the uncomfortable fullness and flushed from the idea someone cared enough about him like Lee did to attempt and feed him  
He clutched his rosary, tangling the beads between his bony fingers, rubbing them between the pads of his fingers. He'd be doing hail Marys until his knees bled it seemed. 

He couldn't help the little squeeze to his heart everytime he thought of Lee's smile. So sweet and beautiful. It was like a Bible ribbon had wound it's way around his heart and won't let go. It hurt, so much. Maybe he really should talk to his pastor. Maybe conversion therapy wouldn't be too bad. Not that he's gay. Just that there is obviously something wrong and he needs it fixed. Thinking of his plans with Lee tonight elevates the pressure he was feeling and he can focus on class again. Letting his mind stray to a purely friendly dinner..


	3. Concerned Roommates And Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hercules and Seabury have a talk  
> And Seabury seriously needs to start realizing how gay he is for Lee UwU, gotta stop calling him sweet cute and stuff lmao

Seabury entered his dorm with an excited smile. He was going to have dinner with his new friend! 

He paused after closing the door, hurriedly lowering his eyes away from Hercules. He wasn't around often but he dropped by sometimes and he was currently oh so terribly shirtless. Hercules smiled I'm greeting, giving a little half wave as he pulled on his shirt and shut the dresser drawer 

"Hey Seabury" He may not like Seaburys beliefs, but he's never caused him trouble. Seabury rarely spoke out. His issues with Thomas and Alex had come out because of shock, he realized that. So while a little mad the other had tried to shame his friend, he could understand well enough that you can't change how one thinks and as long as Seabury didn't pull that shit again then things would be fine. 

Seabury nodded curtly "Mulligan" He greeted, striding to his bed he knelt and undid his laces. "Shall I expect you here later tonight?" Mulligan chuckled and sat on the edge of his bed, "Nah dude, just came for some clothes. So you'll have the room to yourself again." Seabury nodded to show he had heard. Placing his shoes near the bed, he needed to polish them so they weren't going back in the line, he shed his outer layers. 

"If you have plans for the night I can iron your shirts" He offered softly, head bowed as he faced Mulligan, hands clasped in front of him. Mulligan just chuckled, still always a bit unnerved at how... Subservient Seabury was. Maybe it was a religious thing, he had no clue. He believed in God and he prayed, sure, but his family wasn't Overly religious and he hadn't met anyone like Seabury before. He'd ask Thomas since they seemed to know each other. "Uh yeah dude, if you wouldn't mind"

Seabury nodded and opened the closet to take out the board and iron, setting it up he let the iron warm up and took the button up that Mulligan handed over. "I have some to do myself" He shrugged, as if that would have changed anything. Even if he didn't have clothes to iron he would have still done Hercules'. 

He rolled up his sleeves, laying out his own shirt and slacks for the night. Mulligan hummed as he eyed the clothes, brow arched. Yes Seabury always dressed formal but usually after classes the man had no social life and just prepared for bed. "Going out?"

Seabury didn't raise his head to answer, just nodded quietly as he began his work. "Lee and I are attending dinner off campus" Mulligan grinned, playful and teasing "Well then, since I'll be gone you can have the room all to yourselves" He included a wink when Seabury looked up at him. 

The man looked stricken, cheeks pale and eyes wide. Mulligan immediately stopped smiling, taking in the others sick expression "Hey wow, I didn't mean it like that man. I was just messin, sorry I know it makes you uncomfortable" He said softly, taking a step closer, hand out stretched to touch Seabury on the shoulder. But Samuel jerked back, iron raised like a weapon as he backed into his bed, chest heaving with a high gasp. 

Mulligan flinched back, fingers curling in and lowering his hand. He wanted to blame the reaction on Seaburys homophobia but he knew it wasn't that. No, no that was a completely different type of reaction. That was a defensive reaction. Waiting to be struck. "Hey, you okay? " He asked, taking a step back, hands up to show he meant no harm. 

Seabury breathed heavily and nodded, moving back to his board and finishing the shirt before moving on to his own trousers. "I'm sorry" He said softly, just loud enough to be heard over the steam of the iron, "I'm sorry I never should have raised it" He whispered, looking down at the weapon, it could have done serious damage. He hadn't meant to! Mulligan just chuckled and took the shirt, "hey kid, it's no problem. I'm not mad. I'm used to it" He grinned, trying to sound reassuring. 

Hercules was a huge teddy bear but he was also protective and very large. People were often afraid of him, a large burly black man approaching you? Yeah that scared a lot of little white ladies. But he knew Seabury wasn't racist, he was friends with Thomas and James. So he was definitely flinching for a different reason and Hercules couldn't help but feel a bit worried. 

Samuel peaked up briefly, fearful eyes meeting a reassuring smile and he nodded. Smiling shakily before setting the iron aside. "Can um. Can you do me a favor?" He asked softly, lacing his fingers and fiddling his thumbs nervously. Mulligan nodded and Seabury dropped his gaze back to the floor. Breathing in deeply he closed his eyes and asked

"Can you. Can you tell Hamilton and Tho-... Jefferson that I'm sorry? " He worked on putting away the iron and board, waiting for Mulligan to respond. Hercules hummed, pulling off his t-shirt to get dressed in his newly wrinkle free shirt. "Well uh, yeah dude of course! If I can ask a question?"

Seabury nodded without a second thought. He liked answering questions, being helpful. Good boys are helpful. 

"Why uh. What the hell actually happened yesterday dude? Like why'd you go off like that? I've never seen that before, not from you. "

Seabury Tensed again, shoulders rigid, brow furrowed. He wanted to say he was jealous that Thomas was allowed to be free. But instead he turned to face Mulligan. Not meeting his eyes he kept his gaze firmly on the others feet, cheeks hot. 

"My actions were disgraceful and uncalled for. No matter how much I dislike your and their choices or lifestyles, it is not my place to judge. Only God can" Mulligan nodded I'm understanding "Yeah man, I never told ya but I do appreciate that you've never like. Called me the, ya know F word or said anything if Laff or John drop in. I probably wouldn't have responded very well, but you're pretty nice and I'd have hated to hate you" Samuel smiled a little shyly, oh, so Mulligan and him were on good terms! It made his heart race knowing there was the option for a new friend... Well, if it wasn't for Mulligan's... Sexuality. He just can't be around him and his boyfriends. It'd be too much. 

Shrugging he sighed and walked back to his bed, pulling out a box with polishing tools and grabbing his shoes. He sat cross legged on the floor and opened it "I just. I never wanted " I may not agree with it all, but hate is not befitting. All that I can do is pray and offer forward the Holy text. I despise those that preform hate crimes, it's sickening. I just... It was Thomas. I never thought. I got scared" Mulligan nodded in understanding and stood "Yeah dude, I'll pass the message" Seabury smiled and nodded "Thank you"

When Mulligan left Seabury finished his shoes and grabbed his notebook. 

He wrote down his regrets from how he'd lost it on Hamilton and them his talk with Hercules. He wondered if he should include his dinner with Lee... No, no this is sin and repentance book. The dinner is going to he nothing but friends getting together and enjoying each other's company. It will not be a sin. He set it back for now and stood. Dressing casual but nice. With dark brown trousers and an emerald button up he thought it looks nice. Contrasting his ginger hair. He pulled out a green ribbon and left the dorms. Unable to stop his smile, he was going to hang out with Lee. With sweet, kind Lee. 

He couldn't help but giggle a little. People thought Lee was a bad boy. He got into fights, shaved his hair, wore leather skinny jeans and jackets. But he was pretty smart, got good enough grades. He fought for his beliefs, getting into fights because he had trouble with verbal confrontation. Seabury remembered the time he punched someone for making him cry. They'd mocked his nose and freckles. Joked that red heads had no soul. Seabury was... Sensitive... And Lee had punched George Kingsley square in the jaw and all Seabury could do was run away scared. But Lee like him, and they were friends now. Maybe... Maybe he could be friends with Thomas again one day, but for now he had Lee


	4. The Not Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dinner UwU, some angst. There is a cheek kiss and hand holding but Seabury is convincing himself, terribly, they're two straight friends and guys are allowed to do this cause they're comfortable in their sexuality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know no one cares but I needa rant here for a sec  
> So  
> The last while. The last weeks honestly. Fuck it, month. I've been down. Like depressed and RAW for absolutely no reason. My self hatred has actually been very low recently! But it's just. There. festering. I've been breaking down left and rright. And like. It's not my I wanna die depression. It's my wanna watch cartoons and eat comfort food cause I just feel so, hnnngg.  
> And mom promised tacos. They left for two hours. Came back angry. No tacos. Idk what happened while her and dad were out but they "never made it to taco Bell" Despite it ya know. Being 5 minutes from our house. Right by the food lion they picked thenilk up from.  
> And I know. I know I don't need it. But I just... Wanted my comfort food. Well, my real comfort food is rice...  
> Anyway  
> I wanted tacos, have for a few days  
> And I'm not even overly hungry. I've taken to skipping meals daily now- and I have breakfast and lunch so it's not like I need dinner but idk. Just. Hnnggg. Ya know?  
> I got up and found the rice. So, yay

Seabury waited patiently outside the dorms. He had patted down his pockets for the sixth time. Wallet, keys, phone, and Bible resting in the hidden inner pocket. He'd had one sewn into every jacket. 

He looked around anxiously. It'd been half an hour since they agreed to meet and Je was starting to worry. Seabury fiddled his thumbs, eyes down and ignoring the looks he got as people passed. He peaked up a little at some rambunctious laughter, spying LaFayette, John and Hercules on their way to the exit. 

He watched sadly as they left, smiling and leaning into each other. He was only distracted by another person approaching him. 

Perking up in hope it was Lee, he instead deflated to see George Kingsley approaching him. He lowered his gaze in respect as the blonde neared. George smirked, prideful, and sauntered his way over. He leaned in close, propping his arm up on the wall near Seaburys head he leaned in with a dangerous smile

"well hello there red Bird" He cooed, he'd taken to calling Seabury that last year. Due to his ginger hair and flighty bird like ways. Seabury sunk into himself, trying not to touch the wall, it wasn't very clean and he wanted to look clean tonight. "Good evening Kingsley" He whispered softly, chin pressing low into his chest, a few loose strands of hair falling into his eyes. 

Kingsley laughed, he always approved of people bowing to him and watching Seabury quake under his gaze was wonderful. He hummed, remembering what he'd over heard about Lee and Seabury

"what's the matter then bird? Get stood up for your date"

Seabury Tensed again, shoulders shaking as he shook his head. He was already fearing he was stood up. But. But it's not- "It's not a date" He grit out, hands curling around his rosary for comfort "Lee and I are friends, we're going to share a meal. It's not a date" Kingsley scoffed, checking out his nails like the vain bastard that he is. "Whatever helps you sleep. But nothing will change the fact birdy, you're a gay little f@got like that little friend of yours. Thomas" Seabury was trembling now, tears pricking at the corner of his honey brown eyes. He shook his head desperately, "No I am not!" He defended, a little too harshly, gasping his hands covered his mouth. 

Kingsley reeled back in shock, Seabury had raised his voice at him!? He snarled, grabbing the ginger by his tie and pulled him close, "The fuck do you think you are?" He snapped, other hand grabbing Seaburys pointy chin and forcing him to meet pissed blue eyes. 

A voice cut them off, Lee, jogging across the court yard and looking pissed "KINGSLEY!" he roared, and Kingsley released Seabury. Remembering the broken nose the last time he touched the boy and made him cry. He turned back to seabury, who had collapsed into the wall, lip trembling. "Tell your boyfriend that I didn't do anything or I'll do worse than yell at you" He growled and Seabury nodded frantically, not even trying to correct him this time. Kingsley smiled, pleased that Seabury was back to being quiet and good. He turned on his heel swiftly and disappeared into the building just as Lee caught up. 

Lee sneered, making a move for the doors, but Seabury stopped him. Long fingers that looked more like that which belonged on a skeleton wrapped around his wrist, and looking back he saw the slow shake of Seaburys head. "Lee, please. It was my fault I promise, he had done nothing wrong" Lee huffed, not believing a word of it. But he turned and grabbed Seabury gently. 

Seabury flinched at first, another tear falling down his cheeks, before leaning into the touch. Lee smiled kindly, cupping Seaburys cheeks and wiping off the tears. "It's alright Samuel, let's just get going. I picked a nice little place you may like" Seabury smiled and nodded, shy and soft. He stopped shaking, feeling calm in Lee's presence even though his cheeks were a flame under his palms. 

Lee grinned and let him go, hand hovering at his back as they walked off campus and towards the buss stop. Lee was dessed nice but casual like him, with slacks and a button up. Although he wore no tie and his coat was his usual leather jacket but it helped him relax to know he was definitely within dress code. He warmed a little knowing perfectly well that Lee picked the place to fit his style so he wouldn't worry about needed casual clothes. 

They talked quietly on the way and he paused for a moment when they stepped off the bus and approached their destination. It was a sushi bar and he brightened a little in excitement "Oh! I love sushi!" He cheered softly, hands clapping together in excitement. Lee laughed and nodded, guiding him inside. They were greeted and Seabury politely returned it with a small bow, the Asian woman behind the counter pleased with the show of respect told them to take a seat, a waited would be there soon. Lee raised a brow but Seabury just adjusted his glasses and blushed "I only know the basics, but mother took us out to Asian restaurants often for business" 

Lee hummed in acknowledgement and picked a booth so they had a bit of privacy. They were given menus and their drink orders taken. Seabury didn't open his, simply resting his hands in his lap as he waited quietly for Lee to set the tone. And Lee smiled, sipping his ice water and did so without prompting, used to it with Seabury. "So, Samuel" He paused for a moment. He knew parents wouldn't be too good an idea... He saw the slight sourness in his expression mentioning his mother. So instead Lee asked "How are your classes? We don't really share any so I'd love to hear. What's your major? "

Seabury brightened a little at the question, sitting taller and lifting his eyes. He took pride in what he planned on doing. "I am actually majoring for primary education and minoring in mathematics" Lee smiled and nodded "Why'd you choose that then?" 

Seabury smiled a little softer, a little sadder, but he kept his head up and that made Lee happy. "Well, I always wanted to work with children. I want to be a teacher. Mother was a bit upset, she's a judge you see, and father is an architect. However I managed to bring them around by agreeing I would apply for the same school I went to when I was little. I'm great at math and so I'm going to be a math teacher" He explained and Lee just smiled, sweet and encouraging. "That's really cool. I'm not good with kids, never know what to do really. But I think it's great, you'd be good at it" And Seabury smiled shyly, blushing as he sipped his drink "What about you? Law right? "

Lee smiled, sitting back a little, arm on the back of the booth as he let his legs spread under the table. Ever the picture of cockiness and relaxed poise. "Yeah, I'm gonna be a criminal lawyer." Seabury prompted him to continue and Lee hummed, stretching one of his feet out under a pretense of shifting. He had been planning on nudging Seabury, maybe try and play footsie but he simply sipped his drink, a little amused when he discovered Seabury say with his legs crossed. Was that even Comfortable? "My mom was in the army and ended up with a lot of issues. she's a lot better now but it caused some problems and she was almost put away. Let's just say a panicked moment of PTSD ended up with assault charges and more or less attempted murder" Seabury gasped, eyes lowering again "I'm so sorry" Lee waved him off, smiling softly he reached out and took one of Seaburys hands. They'd moved onto the table top st this point. 

"It's okay, we got a good lawyer and they fixed it. But like, my dad's also a lawyer. But as he'd husband he couldn't really defend her or anything and so I was like. There's people out there in situations like this. With loved ones I'm trouble and they can't do anything to help. But maybe I can" Seabury gazed at him, looking near worshipful, his free hand tangling into his beads and the one holding Lee's squeezed tightly. Lee couldn't help but silently preen under it. 

"That's, that's amazing Charles" Lee's cheeks turned dark at that. Seabury said his name! Holy shit his heart was racing. He looked away as the waited finally approached, he couldn't look at those adoring eyes any more. He already knew what Seabury was thinking. The man was highly religious and Lee had seen on more than one instance he thought it his Christian duty to do all that he could to help and so hearing Lee say that he chose his career just to be able to help. Well Lee didn't know this part but it made the ribbon around his heart pull tighter. 

Lee ordered for the both of them with the fingers permission, getting his favorite and smiling whem he saw Seabury brighten a little at the name of the dish. Good, he liked it too then. 

At the end of their meal they'd talked a bit more. Mostly about the areas they came from, their high school experience. Lee had been shocked to hear about the rulers to the knuckles and he took Seaburys hands back in his, holding them gently he held the hands up close and examined the knuckles. Looking he could see the thin white lines of cuts that ran across them, exhaling shakily he pressed a kiss to each one, ignoring Seaburys blush and stuttered protest that it was alright. 

Lee paid the bill, shushing Seaburys reminder that he was supposed to pay this time by wrapping a arm around his waist. Lee knew he was pushing it but Seabury didn't protest again as they made their way back. Even riding the bus with his hand still firm on his hip. 

And Seabury just blushed and sat quietly. They were friends, two straight guys. This was okay. They liked girls and so it was okay, the touch was simply friendly. Oh God please let the dorm be empty, he was going to have to punish himself worse than he has in years. 

When he and Lee parted at the door to the building he couldn't help but fidget a little. Smiling sweetly he thanked him for dinner and kissed Lee's cheek. Friendly. Friends kissed each other all the time. And with his gaze down he didn't catch Lee's look. His desperate want for more as he bid him good night. 

He barely put his shoes into their place before he was ripping the box from under his bed. He hasn't been nervous for this since the night he slept with that girl from the Church. His stomach churned st the memory of her and he quickly replaced it with Lee. Reminding himself of his sinful thoughts throughout dinner as he did his ritual, wrote in his book, and layed under his sheets stiff as a board. Hands shaking where they lay closed over his chest. Tomorrow would he a long and tiring day


	5. I'll Take Care of You, I Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kingsley is out of line. Gets beat up. Seabury suffers. There's a group chat!

Wednesday ended up indeed being a terrible day. Not only did his head hurt, he felt he could barely walk from the time he had spent kneeling before bed and then this morning. He was just lucky he wasn't at home, if was especially bad it would be upon rice or stone floor. Instead it was simply on wood with bare knees. 

He had been walking up the steps to the library, Wednesday was his study day, when he was cornered by Kingsley. He sighed softly but halted in place, hands gripping the strap of his satchel as he waited for whatever Kingsley was going to do this time. 

Kingsley just grinned and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, tugging him in close when Seabury flinched and tried to duck away "Let's take a walk, birdy" Seabury nodded shakily and allowed himself to be led away from the library. 

They ended up in an empty classroom, Seabury being shoved inside and the door pulled close with one last look down the hallway to be sure they hadn't been spotted. 

Kingsley smirked down at Seabury. He'd fallen from the sudden shove, so now he was sat on the floor, trembling under Kingsley hard gaze. "Your little bodyguard chased me down yesterday after you got back" Seabury shook his head quickly "I- I told him not too! " He tried to defend but Kingsley just scoffed, "Do I look like I care?"

He leant down, grabbing Seabury by his chin and turning his head up, making him meet his eyes. Seabury did so reluctantly, tears glistening in his own and it made Kingsley grin. He loves how easily Seabury cried. 

"Now now Birdy, it's alright" He cooed, teasing, fingers digging bruises into Seaburys cheeks. 

"But he threatened me. So, I'm going to have to do something about it. Aren't I? " Seabury nodded shakily, best he could with the hold on his face. He gently curled his fingers around Kingsley wrist, not trying to tug him away, just silently asking him to let go. Kingsley just scoffed, other hand grabbing Seaburys wrist and pulling it away. "Don't touch me" He growled, letting go of Seaburys face only to bring his hand down on his cheek.

Kingsley was an asshole. He had a lot of issues and a lot of anger. He was known at King George, dominating their American football team he led their school to victories. He's ran as ruler in every school he'd ever been in since elementary. College is a lot harder. It's not easy to play dictator to adults so instead he played it more subtle and in smaller groups. He ran the jocks easily enough. Their foot ball and basketball team under his command. He charmed the teachers, was always first in every line. And he played with the weak like Seabury. 

They knew each other, briefly. Had went to the same secondary school. Seabury still cried just as easily now. 

"Good boys sit still and take their punishment, Birdy" A quote recited by teachers when Seabury would get in trouble during school. Met with rules to the knuckles or even the few times he had to be bent over his desk and hit across the bottom. Kingsley never was punished, his mother was a distant cousin of the Queen and his father was the principal of the school and a respected minister. If he was due for it he always charmed his way out of it, the teachers did always love him so. 

Seabury choked on a sob, hand cupping his cheek. It stung and was no doubt red in the shape of Kingsley hand print. His face was so pale and he bruised so easily, Kingsley always loved to torment him the most. But for now this wasn't about making Seabury cry. This was about enacting revenge against Lee. 

Seabury took the punishment as it came, he could barely breathe and felt like he may black out. He was crying, tears mixing with blood when his lip split open. Most of the hits were aimed for below the collar, but Kingsley got him good in the mouth when he begged for it to stop. At some point Seabury couldn't even remember who was hitting him. And when he cried our the words "Mommy stop!" Kingsley took pause and then laughed, loud and cruel as he stared down his nose at Kingsley. "Aww poor little baby crying for mommy" He taunted. Aiming a kick to Seaburys ribs. The ginger wheezing and curling into himself, coughing a little from the sudden force to his chest. He hadn't been crying for mommy, he'd been begging her to stop. 

At some point his blurry vision of Kingsley had turned into a clear image of his mother. Snarling down at him as she used her favorite boots to kick him in the stomach. Once he'd thrown up from it, and she made him wipe up the vomit with his shirt. 

He sobbed, curling into himself, shuddering and feeling broken and raw. Like his very soul had been exposed but Kingsley just spat at him and left the classroom. 

Seabury rocked from his spot on the floor, begging to his parents quietly under his breath and between his sobs. 

Flashing before his closed eyes he shrunk further into himself. His parents smiling happy at dinner guests only to throw him to the floor once they'd said goodbye. 

Large hands grabbed his shoulders and he screamed, tearing back he fell into one of the table, hitting his head. A voice cursed softly, he vaguely recognized it as Hercules but all he could do was beg "Father please" As he got the vision of his eleventh birthday. 

He'd been hit in the face for the first time that day. His fathers large fist clocking him right in the temple, he'd seen stars just like he did now. 

Seabury felt his head spin, groaning as he fell unconscious from the exhaustion and hard hit to his head. 

Hercules cursed again and scooped him into his arms. Looking towards the hall where Lee had tackled Kingsley. Face red as he rained blows down on the bastard. He moved quickly, skirting around the scene and rushing for the dorms.

LaFayette watched them leave, eyes wide in shock. They'd been coming down the hall to get something he'd forgotten in this classroom. Only stop when they heard crying. Lee had appeared at some point, looking out of breath and worried "Have you seen Seabury?" He questions only to be distracted by the noise. He snarled, recognizing Kingsley voice. 

Hercules prepared to break down the door since it was locked only for it to fling open and a cocky Kingsley make his exit. He was near immediately tackled to the floor by Lee, whose fist came down hard on the others nose, breaking it for the second time since they started school together. Kingsley and he grappled but Lee stayed on top and LaFayette worried, flitting around them unsure what to do while Hercules made quick work of rescuing the distressed and panicking Seabury. 

Laf took note that they were going somewhere safe and quickly caught Lee around the chest, pulling the struggling brunette off of the bleeding blonde. "Lee! Calm yourself Mon Ami" He snapped, using his height advantage to pull Lee off the ground completely. 

He started snarling insults at Kingsley, who could barely roll to his side with a groan of pain, hand cupping his face and pulling back coated in blood. Lee's knuckles were bruised and bloody. He sighed as Lee started on death threats. Spotting a few students making their way down the hall he hurriedly made his way for an exit "Lee! Think of your amour! If you kill Kingsley then you can not be there for Seabury!" He snapped, letting Lee go and grabbing his cheeks, making him meet his eyes. 

Lee breathed heavily but calmed at the reminder, body tense and ready to fight. He nodded, jerky and pissed "Where? " "Herc took him back to the dorm. Come" He laid a hand on Lee's back, leading him to the dorms. Lee was shaking in anger, fists tight at his side as he threw looks back at the building they'd just left. He wanted to go back and end that miserable rats existence! 

A heavy hand, warm and comforting landed on the back of his neck, squeezing just a little before relaxing, pulling him in close "Hush" LaFayette soothed, and the thumb rubbing gently gentlyhis racing pulse helped more than he would have imagined and he melted under the touch. The Frenchman smiled, pleased, and led him inside the building "you can not he angry in front of Seabury. You must stay calm, Mon Ami. Your boyfriend is going to be frightened, he will need you too soothe him"

Lee grunted out a muttered, bitter "not my boyfriend" But LaFayette just hid his smile and opened the door. 

Hercules had laid Seabury down, taken off his shoes and coat first and was working on tending the split lip and bruised cheek. 

Lee made his way over immediately, eyes wide in worry. But before he could reach for Seabury Hercules stopped him "Clean up your hands, and your face. Kingsley got you all bloodied up man" Lee grunted, grinning a feral grin that Hercules couldn't help but be fond of. Just like Alexander and John. "It's his" Lee said, proud and gleeful "Bastard couldn't land a hit once I busted his face"

Hercules laughed, amused, and handed him some wipes to clean up with "You're pretty protective over him, huh? "

Lee just shrugged, wiping off his face and hands in a mirror that LaFayette held up for him "He needs someone to be. Kid can't take care of himself" He shrugged and LaFayette and Hercules shared a knowing smirk over his head. 

"I'm not sure if there's anymore damage. I don't want to take off his shirt without permission but I need to look at the rest and see if there's any damage" LaFayette sighed, wrapping his arms around Hercules and pulling him back "Let him sleep Mon Amour, you can check when he wakes"

Lee stayed in the form for the rest of the day. Talking quietly with the two as they waited for Seabury to wake so they could make sure he was okay. LaFayette couldn't help but muse over the other, watching as Lee shed his jacket and pulled the blankets over Seabury. He had such a soft spot... 

Lee ended up taking a pillow from Hercules and a spare blanket and camping out on the floor. Refusing to leave until he was sure that Seabury would he okay. And when he thought the two were asleep in Hercules bed he say up and pressed a kiss to Samuels hand, mumbling a soft "You're gonna be okay. I'll take better care of you, Samuel, I swear" Before laying down and curling up under his blanket. Missing the cheeky grins of the two boyfriends as they hurriedly texted their group chat.   
They'd already let them know what was going on and where they were so the next messages came with only a little shock 

PapaBear :I told you guys Lee was gay for Seabury!:  
Baguette :yes yes! It is how you say, totes adorbs?:  
PeggMe : OMG!!!! Forbidden romance????:  
Turtles :Poor guy, falling for a homophobe:  
ThomasTheTrain :Hahahaha, do I have a story to share if you think Seabury isn't at least the smallest bit gay-:  
:who the FUCK changed my user????:  
SleepIsForTheWeak :Sorry not sorry babe:  
PeggMe :W A I T??? SEABURY GAY??? BUT LJKE-:  
Eliiizzaa :You know whT they say about Gays, they stick together! I mean, what coincidence is it that we we're all gay and Thomas somehow knew him as a kid AND he's roommate's with Herc??:  
ThomasTheTrain :It happened at Church Camp and it wasn't exactly Gay- but like. I'm not saying it wasn't:  
SleepIsForTheWeak :Thomas I swear if your gay awakening was Seabury-:  
ThomasTheTrain :He was and is a total twink:  
Baguette :Agreed:  
Baguette :W A I T! Mon Cher? Is this the boy you said you almost kissed???? But he freaked out and pushed you in the lake????:  
SleepIsForTheWeak :Doesn't sound that gay. Also Thomas how dare you I'm the only twink you should be looking at!;  
ThomasTheTrain :He was the one who leaned in.   
And you know I only have eyes for you, sugar:


	6. Let Me Hold You Close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They find the burns and his box  
> Poor Seabury. But Lee is there. It's okay UwU

Seabury woke with a pained groan. His head, no scratch that, body hurt. For a moment he couldn't remember what had happened, eyes closed as he slowly filtered through his day. Pausing as he remembered Kingsley, the slap, the hitting. That one kick to his head where things really started to blur. 

Seabury managed to open his eyes, staring into the darkness of the room he tried to sit up only to fall back with a shout of pain. Oh his body... 

The noise woke the other three occupants of the room and a light flooded Seaburys vision. He grunted in pain, shutting them tight once more

"Samuel" A soft voice called, close to him. Seabury tried to figure out who it could be. Only mother, father and Father Richard called him Samuel. No, no that's not right... Lee! Lee calls him Samuel! "Charles?" He groaned out, voice rough from the crying he'd done just the other day. 

"Seabury? You okay dude?" A deep, calming voice asked from near by. He tried to place it and managed to realize it was Mulligan "Hurts" He finally got out, coughing a little bit only to reach down to hold his side with a whimper of pain. 

Soft hands were on him immediately, he panicked briefly but Charles voice soothed him "It's alright Samuel. It's okay, you're safe here. Open your eyes, can you open your eyes?"

Samuel grumbled something low in his throat and managed to blink his eyes open. Squinting he was thankful Lee blocked the majority of the light. "What happened? " Seabury questions, gaze traveling from Lee to Mulligan and then to LaFayette who stood a little further back. 

"Kingsley. Do you remember anything? You could have suffered some brain damage. You were out for a while" He nodded numbly, allowing Charles to help him sit up with the help of the wall and pillows. 

"Yeah, yeah I remember that part. Nothing else" 

Mulligan nodded, smiling "Yeah, you were pretty out of it kid. When we found you I'm not sure you even knew where you were. You hit your head hard when I tried to grab you, so I carried you up here. Hope that's okay"

Seabury just smiled shakily, cheeks pink, shocked that Mulligan would go through the trouble "Oh, yes. Thank you, thanks" He wasn't sure what to say but Mulligan just smiled in understanding. 

He looked down to where Lee's hands were still resting on him. Charles had sat on the edge of the bed, one hand resting on his lap and Seabury had subconsciously grabbed it. He blinked a little, taking in the bruised knuckles "Charles!" He grabbed his wrist, pulling the hand up closer for him to examine "How'd you hurt yourself!?" He asked, worry thick in his voice, eyes looking up at Lee, wet with concerned tears. Seabury really did cry a lot. 

Lee just chuckled, taking his hand out of Seaburys grasp so he could reach out and lace their fingers instead "It's fine, Samuel. You should see Kingsley" Seabury gasped, eyes widening further. His ears turned red in embarrassment that Lee would do such a thing for him, but his eyes watered more with worry "What if he tells someone? You can be expelled!" 

Lee just shook his head, reChing out with his free hand to push some hair behind Seaburys ear "Don't worry about it Samuel, everything is going to be fine"

Samuel nodded slowly, taking a deep breath before wincing in pain once more. "Shit" Lee jumped up, moving out of the way so Mulligan could step forward. "Seabury, listen. I know you don't like being shirtless in front of people" Seabury averted his gaze "It's indecent. One should not be bare within other men's presence, nor a women's. The only time in which is is acceptable is when one is in need of medical assistance." Mulligan chuckled, brow raised "I change in here all the time?" "And I leave" Seabury reminded. 

Mulligan hummed before shaking his head, he'd gotten distracted "You've been showing signs of pain to your side. I have to ask that you take off your shirt so I can have a look?"

Seabury shook his head, frown deepening "One should only disrobe before their doctor or wife" He retorted, pulling his blanket in closer despite the ache in his muscles when he moved. 

Mulligan sighed, pulling the desk chair close he laid a hand on Seaburys knee. Smiling to himself when Seabury just flinched a tiny bit. Small victories! 

"Seabury. Please, I'm asking you as a concerned friend. I may not have a medical degree but John and Alexander hurt themselves so much I know what I'm doing well enough. Please, just let me take a look and if it's bad we can get you to a hospital. "

Seabury seemed to struggle with himself, shaking his head again only to be stopped by a hand on his cheek "We can leave the room, just you and Mulligan, okay? You could he seriously injured and I know how scared you are of going to hospitals!" It's true. He hurt his wrist last year and refused to go until the pain got to the point he couldn't move it, turns out he'd fractured it and he only went because Lee had dragged him there after he was caught arguing with the schools nurse over it. 

Samuel sighed "Just, turn around? " He asked, soft and scared as his shaking hands reached for the buttons. 

The three men did as asked and waited patiently for Seabury to get out of his shirt. He hissed in pain when moving to pull it off his shoulders but finally he managed. Looking down at himself, tears pricking at his eyes this time they fell. 

"Okay" He said, after a long moment of silence. Only Hercules turned, to give him a since of privacy, but the other two turned just as quick when he gasped and knocked into LaFayette, having stepped back in shock. 

LaFayette gasped, eyes wide and hand over his mouth. His other clutched at Mulligan's sleeve, and Lee was shaking. "Mon dieu" He whispered, fingers trembling. 

Lee stepped forward, unsure, before shaking his head and stepping back. He couldn't believe this. Why, how. Why!? 

Hercules didn't seem to need to ask how, instead he stepped forward. Trying to move slow, hands up in reassurance as he tried to show Seabury he wasn't planning on hurting him. And Seabury sat quietly as Hercules prodded and felt around the bruised area of his right ribcage. Seabury whimpered a small bit but eventually Hercules finished, hand played across the gingers abdomen. He frowned a bit, glaring down at the sunken stomach. He understands flat, he understands skinny. John was flat and Alexander was tiny. But this was starved. He brushed his thumb over an old burn mark. He knew those shapes well enough. 

The oval outline with the circle in the center. He'd seen them on his mom. His dad used cigarettes the most but if he was out he just resorted straight to the lighter. 

"Where is it?" He questions, voice soft still, soothing. He didn't want to spook him. 

Lee stepped closer now, eyes wide and pained as Seabury squeezed his own shut "Under the bed"

Lee was on his knees in an instant, reaching past Hercules legs he grabbed the first thing he saw. A small black box. 

He stood, setting it on the bed edge, LaFayette moved in, hands soft as he gently pulled Hercules back. 

Once his hand was gone LaFayette moved around him, gently helping Seabury back into his shirt before moving into Hercules arms. Hercules held him close, face buried in the fluffy hair, his arms shaking where they wrapped around LaFayettes waist. 

Lee had opened the box, inhaling sharply as he took in the contents. "Samuel" He managed, voice cracking, catching the twos attention as he pulled out the small knife. 

Seabury peaked open an eye before closing it again, shaking his head no "No, no I never. " He swallowed thickly, crossing his arms in an attempt to cover his still exposes front. His hands were too shaky to button. 

Lee nodded, and he grabbed the lighter as well, leaving the clicked cause he wasn't sure what it was for. "I'm taking these" He warned. Closing the lid of the box. Handing the tools over to LaFayette who pocketed them quietly. 

The Frenchman gently gripped Hercules hands before letting go and stepping to the bedside. He stroked the side of Seaburys arm, catching his attention, he kissed the top of his head "It's okay, we won't tell the school. But please. No more, ami. We will speak of this" He stepped back again, taking Hercules hand and leading him from the room. 

Lee picked up the box and set it aside. Sitting at Seaburys side he reached out. Gently taking Samuels hands in his again "Samuel" He whispered, soft, sad. Seabury sniffled, raising his head to meet Lee's eyes. 

Lee smiled, worried, and handed Seabury back the rosary he'd taken off with his shirt. 

Seabury gripped it close, his other hand still squeezing Lee's like he'd let go. "Do you want to talk about it?" He got a shake no, nodding he scooted closer. Opening his arms a little "Can I? "

And despite the pain he felt Seabury threw himself into Lee's arms, crying into his shoulder as Charles gently stroked his hair and back "It'll be okay. I'm here Samuel. Whatever this is, why ever. I'm right here"


	7. I'm A Good Boy

Seabury had managed to calm down, looking away in embarrassment for crying. 

He shifted a little, sitting up a bit more as he curled his legs in close. Achingly aware that Lee had seen and that his shirt was still open. 

"Let's get you into some pajamas, it's morning but you need more rest" Lee decided, standing and looking around before turning back to Seabury "Where uh-" Seabury chuckled softly, cheeks pink. He couldn't believe how much Lee cared about him. 

He told him which drawer to search in and Lee fetched one of the neatly folded squares. A soft yellow, yellow made people happy he told himself. Turning around he laid them on the bed, shifting foot to foot awkwardly. 

Seabury coughed a little, making a motion with his hands "Could you-? Please?" Lee nodded, turning around to give the other privacy. 

Seabury sighed in relief and stood up. His body felt shaky but it was nice to be standing. He slowly stripped, pulling on the pajamas and taking a moment to stretch his body best he could without hurting anything too much. 

He went to reach down for his clothes only to stand back up with a moan, hand on his side. It was nothing more than some extreme bruising, nothing was broken, but it still hurts pulling at the hurt skin. Lee whirled around at the noise, humming softly he stepped forward. "It's alright, I'll get it" He helped Seabury back into the bed before picking up the slacks and button up and setting them in the laundry basket. 

"I have work tomorrow, but it's Thursday and I know you have a full class load. If you're not feeling up for it I can call out, you can email your teachers and have them send your work. I'll pick up anything that can't be done online" He offered, standing awkwardly by the bed. 

Seabury sighed and shook his head "No, thank you Charlie but I can't" Charles blinked a little at the nickname but he couldn't help the bright grin "Alright, Sammy" He paused, unsure, Thomas called him Sammy so Lee wasn't sure if that was a boundary-

But Seabury just flushed a little more and patted the space next to him. He'd moved up against the wall to leave space. "Lay with me for a bit? I don't want to feel alone" He whispered the words, looking down at his lap with a small frown. 

Lee just grinned and climbed up into the bed, pulling the blanket over both them. They sat there quietly for a moment. Lee had hit the lights, but turned on the bedside lamp so they weren't in complete darkness. 

Seabury smiled in appreciation, reaching out with trembling fingers to grab Lees hand. They held hands before so it was okay, right? Charles just smiled and laced their fingers, thumb gently stroking his hand "I'm here Sammy" He said it soft, voice low in the quiet. A gentle reassurance, a reminder, an invitation. And it's all it took for Seabury to break. 

Seabury cried again, leaning over to bury his face in Lee's shoulder "I'm sorry, for wasting your time" Lee shushed him gently, free hand reaching up to stroke through his messy curls. "Hey, no no Sammy. You didn't bother me or waste my time or anything else you're thinking. You're my friend and I'm worried and I want to take care of you. If you'll let me"

Sammy sniffled and nodded, they were pressed together shoulder to hip and Lee couldn't help but revel in the contact. 

"Do you wanna... " He trailed off, hand lowering to run over Samuels arm. The scars there were faded and older, he mostly went for the stomach because it was even easier to hide. They were pale rings of past pain that you couldn't see unless you really looked (I have a few burn scars. They've faded a lot, both being 2 years old, but they're visible if you look at them... Just like some of my other scars.) 

Seabury shook his head before shrugging "What's there to say?" He mumbled, fingers curling into Lee's top, picking at the fabric. Lee just sighed "Can I ask why?" Seabury shrugged again and Lee was about to say never mind when Seabury spoke again

"To punish myself"

That gave Lee pause. Eyes widening as he pulled back enough to look at Seabury. Who kept his gaze lowered. "Wha- why. Why uh, do you need to punish yourself?" The Englishman giggled a little, like the answer was so obvious "Sinners are punished, Charlie" He said softly, shrugging in nonchalance. 

Charles swallowed thickly, blinking rapidly like he could wake up from this dream. He scowled finally, fingers sinking into the soft hair he scratched Seaburys scalp gently, the other melting against his side with a pleased hum. "You're not a sinner Sammy, you're too good" But Samuel shook his head. Pushing back to meet Charles eyes, biting his lip he shook his head "Everyone sins Charlie, one way or another no one is pure. So I repent, I pray and I punish myself in His steed. In their steed" Lee hummed, brow still furrowed but a small smile in place to make sure Samuel didn't get scared he was angry at him. 

"Their steed? Whose them Sammy?" But Samuel just curled back into his side when the arm lifted in offer, enjoying the physical contact that was soft and kind. "My parents of course" He remarked this with such a casual tone, a small Huff in his voice like it was ever so obvious and Lee felt Ice in his veins at the implication... He rested his hand on Samuels hip, the other back in those messy curls as he brushed through them slowly "Your parents punish you?" Samuel snorted a little, humming a soft affirmation. "How?" Samuel shrugged, those details were a bit too intimate too share. His parents had explained it well enough.   
*  
His mother had sat him down that first time when he was five. Smiling as she applied a bandage to his cut temple "Now, Samuel. Do you know why daddy did that? " She questions, voice sweet like honey. Her husband still fuming in his arm chair, sipping whiskey from his glass. And Samuel had shaken his head, tears still pouring down his cheeks. Katherine had smiled, kissing his nose "It's because he loves you. You were bad Samuel, and bad boys must be punished. Do you know why?" Samuel shook his head again, but relaxing at the knowledge his father still loved him, tears drying under his mother's soft words and touch. "To make you better, Samuel. Bad boys have to be punished so they can be better" She cooed the words, gentle and soft and the boy brightened immediately. Better, he wanted to he better. Wanted to make his parents happy! He was a good boy after all. "That's right Samuel, you're a good boy when you behave" She pinched his cheek lovingly, pulling him into a hug. Her small fingers carded through his hair before gripping it suddenly I'm a painful hold, tugging it harshly while her other arm held him close to her body she sung loving and caring into his ear "But you can't tell anyone Samuel" "Mommy that hurts!" "Listen" She snapped, pulling harder and when he relaxed into her she let up a little bit. Patting his back "Good. Don't you tell anyone Samuel. As your parents it is our duty to care for and protect and make you better. But it is improper to speak of it outside of the family. Do you understand?" And Samuel nodded and she let him go. Kissing his forehead. Samuel knew about improper and impolite, he knew to keep himself covered, to lower his gazes, to speak demure and sweet to those above him. To never touch a women anywhere but her arm at most intimate. Madame and Sir, mister and Ms. Katherine smiled, watching the understanding on her sons face "Very good Samuel, now. Why don't you go get a cookie? Mommy put some on table for you"  
*  
Samuel looked up at Lee with a shy smile, soft and demure just like his mother taught him to be "In the same way your parents did, I'm sure. But it's improper to speak about, Charlie" He laid his head back down "We probably shouldn't be this close" He mumbled softly but made no move to pull away. He was punished plenty today, this could be allowed for now. Besides, it's women he's not supposed to hold in an intimate way due to the sin, this was a male friend and men are allowed to touch and be close in this way. It was just a hug

Lee kept himself from tensing under Seabury, he didn't want to worry him. But dammit. That just said so much was wrong and he wanted to know but he knew he couldn't push... What did those people do to him?


	8. Mommy Will Be Just Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I WAS GIVEN PERMISSION/ENCOURAGED TO DO THIS BY USED Unikitty_in_action  
> So. Blame them. Cause I don't have self control just terrible ideas and they refuse to be my control-  
> So anyway  
> Uhhhhhh  
> Roman Catholics don't believe in condoms and birth control!!! And as said previously he uh, slept with a chick to try and cure his Gay an all that so  
> Enjoy UwU  
> Entering a new character; Baby Mary UwU she's precious

Seabury was awoken to his phone ringing. It was too early on a Saturday morning to be getting a phone call, dammit. 

He reached over Lee, the other grumbling but thankfully not waking. 

Picking up the phone he didn't bother looking for the name, his eyes were too blurry without his glasses to read it either way. Pressing accept he brought the device to his ear "Samuel Seabury who is this?"

There was a pause for a moment before a strong, feminine voice spoke up "Hello Mr. Seabury I'm sorry to bother you but you're listed as father and emergency contact for Mary Eden Michaelson-Seabury?" He froze, blinking blankly into the darkness before closing his eyes with a heavy sigh "Yes, yes ma'am I am. Is everything alright? Where is Esther?" The woman was quiet for a moment again before speaking "Hi Mr. Seabury my name is Janice Abraham, from social services. Well, I have some bad news. Are you sitting down, sir?" 

He gulped, nervous "Yes, I am" She shuffled some papers on her end before speaking again. Voice careful, calm "I'm so sorry Mr. Seabury. But Esther has been hospitalized."

There was a long stretch of quiet. Seabury staring at the wall with wide eyes. Oh. Oh that was. He couldn't breathe- 

"Ir- Sir!" The worried shout broke him out of the trance, gasping in shock he took a moment to catch his breath "Wha- uh. Where? How? Is Mary alright!?"

He was already climbing out of bed, ignoring Lee's concerned questions. "She's here at Bellvue hospital. I'd rather not discuss over the phone. Mary is safe with me in the waiting room, is there anyway you can come and get her tonight? If not we can find her room with an emergency foster home until you can come and retrieve her."

Seabury was breathing heavy as he pulled on some shoes, not even caring he was in his pajamas "No, no that's fine it's a half hour away I'll be there" She gave an affirmative and hung up the phone after telling him where to find them when he arrived. 

Grabbing his wallet and coat Seabury rushed for the door, stopped only by Lee grabbing his sleeve. "Samuel!" He turned back, looking concerned up at his friend "Sorry Lee but I'm in a rush! I swear I'll explain when I get back" Lee chuckled, slipping the glasses onto Seaburys face. The ginger blinked, vision clear "Oops" Charles snorted and pulled him into a hug "You're shaking, do you want me to go with? " He shook his head, shifting foot to foot "No, please. I'll be back soon, I just have to-" 

Lee sighed in understanding and let him go "Alright, be careful. It's near midnight, call me if you do need me" He nodded, thankful, and ran out the door and into the cold night. 

Seabury called for a cab and after handing him near double the price buckled up and closed his eyes as the yellow car immediately began to drive towards the destination, a tad faster than it should be. 

The cabbie parked where instructed and turned off the engine. Seabury was paying him to wait. "I'll be back soon" He reminded, jumping out and rushing into the hospital. 

He ran through the doors and headed for the elevator. He ran to the room number he'd been given, bursting into the room only to stop just as quickly at the scene. Esther, lovely sweet Esther was laid out in a hospital bed. Looking pale like a ghost, the only signs of life being the dark bruises on her skin and the loud beeping of the heart monitor. 

He stumbled forward, reaching out to take the hand not connected to the monitor "What. What happened?" He managed, voice cracking a little. The nurse, who'd been startled when he ran in, smiled politely and continued her work of checking the vitals "She's in critical... It was a car accident, she'd been in the front seat and a drunk driver ran right into them"

Seaburys breath hitched again, eyes watering as he took in the bandages and casts she was covered in. "She'll live though? Right?" She difficult answer for a moment and that scared him even more "We're doing what we can" He sobbed, tears finally falling as he clutched her hand tightly in his. He fell to his knees, pressing his head to her knuckles and praying quietly to her and to God and for her life. 

The social worker, Ms. Abraham sat quietly, allowing him his time. Mary was asleep on one of the chairs and thankfully hadn't woken from the noise. The girl had a few scrapes and cut lip but was otherwise just fine. Curled up around the stuffed bear that Samuel had gotten when she was born. 

Finally Seabury stood up, leaning down to kiss her forehead before stepping over to the other two women in the room. "Mrs Abraham?" He asked, holding his hand out to shake and she took it, smiling sad "I'm so sorry to have woken you Mr. Seabury" He shook his head, smiling, strained and sad "No, no I'm glad you did" He moved over to the other chair. Kneeling down once more he reached out and gently tucked a curl behind the little girls ear. 

Esther had been blonde, with dark green eyes. But Mary was just like Samuel, with a thick head of fluffy ginger curls and a small smattering of freckles on her cheeks and down her arms. Samuel smiled as her eyes fluttered open, sweet caramel orbs just like his. She brightened, throwing hers arms around his neck "Daddy!" She cried, and Samuel pulled her into his arms. Standing up he held her close "Hey baby girl, are you okay?" She nodded, burying her face in his neck to avoid looking at her mother. "The nice lady said that I'm going to stay with you for a bit?" Samuels sighed a little, unsure how it would work since he was in a dorm but he'd talk with the board. "Yes you are, daddy is going to take care of you while mommy is getting better" She nodded again, clinging to him "Okay" He smiled, patting her back before looking back to Mrs. Abraham "Good luck Mr. Seabury. We'll be in touch to check in and make sure everything is alright"

At the front doors they went opposite directions. Mrs. Abraham to her car and Seabury to the waiting cab. "Thank you" He breathed, sliding into the back seat and buckling up the still sleepy girl. 

The man looked startled that he had a child but just started up the car and started driving to the new address. 

They arrived at Esther's apartment, he used the key she'd given him a while back and unlocked the doors. He sent the cab off after paying for the wait, it'd be too long to ask him to wait this time. 

He closed and locked the door, setting Mary down as he went about gathering everything that would be needed. Mary immediately snuggled up onto he couch and fell back asleep. 

He smiled as he dug out the folder with all her information. Records and birth certificate, that sort of stuff. He remembered the argument they had over her name. He'd wanted to use Katherine as her middle or first name, it's his mother's after all even she couldn't ever know that the girl existed. But Esther had scoffed and reminded him SHE carried that baby and that Katherine was a bitch. They'd argued over that too until she reminded him of the bruises on his back from her belt and he caved. They used Mary for her first name because Samuel always wanted a daughter with the name Mary, and Eve was her middle name after Esther's own unfortunately late mother. 

He sighed, packing the suitcase and a bag. He made sure to include her clothes, her favorite toys. He walked around for a moment. Picking up some pictures and trinkets. He didn't want to leave them here, not in the empty apartment... 

He sat with a cup of tea, sipping it quietly and watching the sun as it rose. Around five he called the building owner, making them aware of the situation. He was assured that the months payments had been made and that he'd be in touch when the next was due. But the gas and water would be cut off to avoid the bills. He thanked him before ending the call and grabbed a few things of Esther's. 

He took her favorite pillow, ever so soft and hand stitched. He'd taught her how to sew and she made it herself after. They both had worked on making Mary's baby blanket, which he had been sure to put in her bag. 

He woke Mary up at seven. Feeding her a light breakfast before going back to the hospital. They went to Esther's room, the nurse helping replace the hospital pillow with the pillow he brought and laying the warm blanket over her as well. It matched Mary's baby blanket, a cute quilt with lots of colorful squares and patterns. It had been her baby blanket that her mom added too every year as she got older and bigger. Just like they did to Mary's blanket. 

Mary was given the okay to hug her mom, careful of the tubes and wires. She left a picture in the room, on table next to the bed "Incase she wakes!' The little girl had explained, facing it towards her mom. It was a picture of the three of them. Samuel had Mary on his shoulders and Esther was hiding her smile behind a book. He remembered that day. Mary had been three. She'd babbled on and on for an hour about nonsense before stopping suddenly and declaring that Daddy was too tall and that was unfair. He'd carried her around for the rest of the day and it made her happy because now she was " Tall"

He smiled sadly, picking her up now and holding her close to himself as they rode back to the dorms. 

The sun was up now, it was nearly eight. He knew that Lee was awake by now and he was beyond nervous. 

Mary seemed to sense his unease and reached out, taking his hand and when Seabury looked down she gave him a happy smile "It's okay daddy! Mommy will be okay" He smiled and pulled her into a hug "That's right baby, mommy is going to be just fine"


	9. Bestest Friend

Seabury had been gone for too long and Lee had called for reinforcements. At the moment he, LaFayette, Mulligan and Laurens were gathered around Mulligan's desk. Going over a plan of where to search, a map of the area laid out. "He's been missing for eight hours and won't answer his phone. We'll search these places first and then call the police"

The three men gave agreements, Laurens roped into it because he'd followed his boyfriends when they'd been called for help. 

But before they could set out in search the door handle turned and slowly it swung open with a creak to its hinges. The four turned, stopping in shock when it revealed a tired looking Seabury and a small girl on his hip. "Sammy?" Lee questions, brows raised in concern and curiousity but Samuel just shook his head. 

The three were quiet, watching him trudge into the room and set the girl down. He dropped the bags before helping her from her shoes and setting her onto the bed "Mary, I need you to be very good for me right now" He told her softly, pulling a tablet and headphones from her bag "I need to talk some very important grown up things so you're going to listen to some music, alright?" Mary agreed readily, picking out her favorite song and settling down to play games on her device. After giving a cheerful wave to the people in the room. 

Seabury sighed and turned around, wiping his sweaty palms down on his shirt he frowned a little at the new face, John, before shrugging his shoulders and waiting for the questions to begin. 

"Is that uh... Your sister?" 

Samuel sighed, a fair question. He lifted his head, meeting Mulligan's eyes seeing as he was who had asked "No, unfortunately. She's not my sister, not my cousin, not my niece. She is. " His head lowered, eyes on the ground, voice slowly quieting from its firmness. "She's my daughter"

There was a collective gasp, and he dared look up to see them gaping. He lowered his again, tears falling so quick he couldn't even try to stop them. They were going to judge him, hate him. 

Lee stepped forward and Samuel flinched back, afraid, but a gentle hand cupped his cheek instead of the strike he'd been expecting. 

He lifted his head at the soft prompting, meeting Lee's kind eyes "Hey, Sammy it's okay" He spoke softly, trying not to spook him. Samuel just sniffled, wiping the tears away and letting himself be led to sit at his desk. He sat down heavily, thankful for be in the seat because he wasn't sure how much longer he could stand for. 

They all sat down, unsure what to say in this situation. But John broke the tension with a wide grin "Dude you have like the cutest kid I've ever seen! Are those freckles!?" John himself was covered in freckles, he was proud of them but a large amount of people grow up disliking the 'blemishes'. Samuel chuckled and nodded, brushing his fingers over his own cheeks "Yeah, she is adorable" He looked back briefly, smiling when she looked up and she beamed back. She had a missing tooth, he realized. When did that happen? Dammit Esther you're supposed to keep him updated on this stuff. Shaking his head he turned back "I've got them too, actually, but I don't get near as much sun as she does so they fade"

He looked down at his hands, folded in his lap. Was he supposed to tell them what happened? He was so confused, so scared. What if people around campus saw her? Not that he was ashamed. He'd never ever be ashamed of her. He was regretful that she was born a bastard. That she'd been made at all because he never should have laid with Esther. But he'd never regret that she was alive, he loved her, she was everything to him. 

"So uh, how old is she?" Mulligan finally asked, biting the bullet. LaFayette had gotten up and made his way to Mary, introducing himself quietly before making sure her headphones were in place, the two taking turns on her game. And Seabury was thankful that he was keeping her occupied. "She's four"

There was silence again, as they did the math. Lee spoke up this time, shocked "You were seventeen?" 

Seabury sighed. Here it comes. This time it was LaFayette, a little bit amused "Did your parents never give you the. How you say? Birds and bees?" John snorted a small bit, hiding his laugh but was quick to sober up at the distressed look on Seaburys face. "Dude, hey it's fine! You don't have to explain yourself to us"

Seabury shook his head. Curling into himself with a heavy sigh "No, no it's fine. They never gave me the Talk. My talk was a pledge of Absitence which I obviously disgraced" He let his head drop into his hands, eyes falling shut, "The church doesn't believe in condoms or birth control, sex is purely for married couples looking to reproduce" LaFayette spoke once more, always the one with no shame or boundaries, "But you don't believe in masturbation either?" He nodded, raising his head confused as to why he was asking that. But Laff just grinned, shaking his head "It's no wonder that Kingsley is such a dick! He's sexually frustrated!" Mulligan choked on his tongue and John was quick to dissolve into laughter. "Gilbert!" Mulligan finally managed to choke out, face disapproving while Lee tried to console the further distressed Seabury. "Sorry" The Frenchman offered up, and Seabury just gave him a half hearted thumbs up. 

"So, where's your girlfriend? Is she like going out of town or something and couldn't get a nanny?" Lee questions, tone soft and no judgment, rubbing the gingers back. But all it earned him was a soft sob, as Seabury buried his face into his arms. Lee was quick to pull him into a hug, whispering soothing words into his ear. Even if Seabury was straight and taken, he'd still be there for him. He may love the redhead but he wouldn't abandon him. 

It was a few minutes until Seabury was okay to continue. Sniffling he wiped at his eyes and accepted the tissue with a nervous smile. 

"She uh. It was a mistake" He spoke lowly, even though Mary was wearing headphones that was the last thing he ever wanted her to hear. 

"Her mother and I... I was grief striken, she was trying to help me. We were both forgetful, so caught up on trying to forget something else" He shrugged helplessly and none of them pushed for more. 

Mary had enough of her tablet and slid of the bed, she walked over, tugging quietly at Samuels sleeve. "Yes baby girl?" He asked, turning to face her properly. Mary blushed shyly and leaned forward, whispering into his ear. Samuel chuckled a little at whatever she was asking before turning to face the four men, LaFayette had moved back to Mulligan's bed when she got up. 

"Mary has a question to ask" "DADDY!" she protested, tugging at his hand with a pout, but Samuel just grinned deviously, taking the hand and attacking her ribs with tickles. 

She turned into a squealed mess, attempting to wiggle away but he snatched her up and set her into his lap. Stopping his tickle attack and just wrapping his arms around her waist "Go on sweetie, it's alright"

Mary took a deep breath, brow furrowed in a deep seriousness as she tried to figure out how to best phrase her question. She was a very considerate four year old. 

"You seem very strong" She finally decided on, eyes firmly on Mulligan. The large man laughed, nodding "I am very strong" And she smiled in excitement, "is it cause you eat lots of veggies?" She questions, eyes sparkling with obvious hope he'd say no. Mulligan shared a brief look with Seabury over her head before looking back at Mary "Sorry little lady. But you don't get these" He flexed, watching as she awed quietly over the muscle "With eating lots of leafy greens!" Her awe turned into a pout "Aw rats!" She declared, Lee hurrying to hide his laughter with a cough. Seabury released Mary, letting her slide from his lap "Mary tell Hercules what your dream is" She perked up again st the name "Hercules!?" She gasped I'm excitement, bouncing right up to him "Like THE Hercules!?" 

Mulligan couldn't help but absolutely melt for this precious girl- "well uh-" John broke in this time, grinning "He sure is sweetie! THE Hercules!" She squealed again, bouncing on her toes "Wow!" She finally remembered her fathers request and took a step back. Hands on her hips and cheeks puffed up, trying to look tall and intimidating "I wanna be big an strong and fight bad guys like Superman! " Seabury was snickering quietly into his hand from behind her. As she flexed her nonexistent muscles. 

Mulligan just grinned and reached out, poking her bicep he gave a low whistle as if impressed "Well I gotta say! You're half way there. But ya know what? Even Superman had to eat his veggies" She pouted for a moment, but gave in and smiled again "Fine!" She wasn't happy about it but she'd eat vegetables if she had to, she had to get strong agter all. 

Seabury hummed for s moment, chin in his hand as he watched the interaction with a smile "Oh! Mary we've forgotten our manners" He say up a little straighter, catching her attention "What do we do when we meet new people?"

Mary looked confused for a moment, brow furrowed before she turned smiley again and turned back, offering her hand out "Hi! I'm Mary Seabury!" LaFayette giggled, "Oh you're just too sweet" He cooed taking her hand in his and giving it a shake "Gilbert LaFayette, call me Laff!" She nodded firmly and turned to Mulligan and so it went. 

When she offered her hand to Lee she practically squealed and threw herself at him upon hearing his name "Daddy told me about you!" She hugged him around the neck and Lee hugged he'd back, giving a confused smirk over at the awkward, embarrassed Seabury. "He did, huh?"

She nodded excitedly, letting go but settling into his lap instead of leaving "Uh huh! You are pretty just like he ssaid" She cheered, happy to finally meet her dads apparent best friend. 

Seabury groaned, dropping his head back into his hands "Mary, baby, we don't just" He sighed, shaking his head "We don't just sit in strangers laps and tell them secrets"

She pouted, crossing her arms "But he's not!" She turned to Lee, giggling "Mommy said that you're daddy's bestest friend" She added an exaggerated terrible attempt of a wink, having no idea what it meant just nowimg that Esther had used it when saying they. Lee just grinned, cheeks red as Seaburys "Yeah, I am your daddy's Bestest friend"


End file.
